Home - Day 15 - Thresholds

I've always liked the word "threshold" because it seems to defeat the word "barrier" so well. Crossing the threshold and enter a new space, leaving behind that barrier that loomed. My daily walks are all about thresholds at the moment. Some would say I'm confusing threshold with milestone, but threshold is truly what I experience.

The first threshold is a literal one. It's actually getting my outdoor clothes on and getting out the door of the house. For me right now the effort is more mental than physical. Once out the door (and over the threshold) the walk has started. I push the button on my watch and we start walking.

The second threshold is a sensation I get in my chest when I am standing straight and walking. The sensation has two components. The first is a sensation of contracting skin into my scars. The second is sensation of muscles in by abdomen and thoracic regions being incredibly tense and unable to release. After about 10 minutes of walking (first set of lights in our current route) the sensation goes away.

While passing over the second threshold, the third begins. It is a seizing of the muscles around the upper spine. Some days the pain has been too much and I have not been able to cross the threshold. We just turn around and head for home--it's very discouraging. Other days I can get through it and then its just heads down walking.

The fourth threshold is the turn-around point. It means I'm halfway there and heading for home. It's a big one for me because I know I going to get the full time in. My watch beeps and we finish our stride, do a 180 and head back. It doesn't mean the trip back is any easier physically, but mentally it just seems easier. The distance to home is diminishing.

The last threshold is the same as the first. I walk into the house and I'm happy to be home and content with my walk. It's all pretty small in the grand scheme of physical accomplishments, but that's how my walking feels. My mom and I walk every day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. By Monday next week we'll have hit the 40 minute limit. After that we go for a while until the walk is comfortable and then we start pushing the distance within the 40 minute envelope.

Today is an important day because it's the 15th day I have been home and marks for me a threshold in my recovery. It means I have been home from the hospital for 2 whole weeks and I am starting to feel physically human again. I walk around the house more freely, I sleep entire nights, I can stay focused on a task for longer than 30mins and my appetite is returning.

As of today I will also start posting only one entry a week so that I can put some time into some other projects I hoped to explore while recovering from surgery. I still have some catching up on a couple of days after the surgery as well.