The Night Before

I figured the days leading up to, and especially the night before, my surgery would be nervous and the sleep would be restless. As it turned out I was pretty calm. The day before couldn't have been more simple: my parents had arrived the day before and we just hanged out, I then made dinner all of us, I walked through the OHI surgery script, we played a little cribbage, I took a shower using the anti bacterial soap/brush used by surgeons, I wrote a email to my friends, and we all went to bed. I slept like a rock.

I know I have been nervous before, but my nerves left me a long time ago when I discovered 3 things: don't worry about what you have control over because you have control over it; don't worry about what you don't have control over because you don't have control over it; and, anything that has an end it site has an end. I'm not trying to be profound or anything, but this is why I wasn't nervous. The things I had control over I took care of. The things I had no control over had happened the way they were going to happen. And, by 8 pm Wednesday night the surgery would be over and I would wake up a little later that night to whatever result was going to occur.

For those who know me, especially in my business life, I typically don't talk this way. I like to control as much as I can. This was different--maybe I have mellowed. Maybe for the second time in my life I get to look at my mortality and I'm starting to see things I have simply ignored. Then again, maybe some obscure defense mechanism kicked in and I just shut everything out. Whatever way it turns out tomorrow is the day.